I’m a worrier. I worry about everything all the time. It takes up much of my time, energy and sanity. I can not do something without some automatic extensive worrying beforehand. I never really realised this was an odd thing to do, until a psychologist told me so. Typical. I didn’t listen to my mother about this, but a psychologist could get through to me (lesson of the day: listen to your mother, kids).
Last November, when I set out to see Fantastic Beasts and where to find them, I did not expect to find a new wisdom to live by. Sure, I am a gigantic fan of everything J.K. Rowling writes. She could write a toaster manual for all I care, and I’d still joyfully read it. But never before had she written anything that struck me like this.
I was with my friend when I first saw the film. We were just mostly excited about having a new film/book/anything that gave us some more insight in the wizarding world (I daresay I was more excited than my friend since she overslept the first time we were meant to go and see it *sighs*).
Newt Scamander, the main character, just lives his life. He doesn’t worry as much about the consequences. At one point Newt tells Jacob not to worry when they are in a possibly life threatening situation. Jacob asks Newt: “Tell me — has anyone ever believed you when you told them not to worry?-. Newt answered this: “My philosophy is that worrying means you suffer twice.”.
For some reason I had never thought of this before. This ‘philosophy’ that told me worrying wasn’t really good for anything, especially not for my own suffering, felt like something completely new. A revelation, if you’d like. It was as if all my life I had handled that worrying part of me completely wrong. I used to always get annoyed with myself that I was worrying about something.
Ever since I heard that quote I look at it differently. I don’t get mad at myself as much any more. I merely say to myself: “Maria, all this worrying just means you’re suffering twice”. It’s crazy how much that little sentence can affect me. Some days it manages to completely calm me down. I’m not sure about the why and the how of it, but I know that I’m so happy and grateful for that beautiful little sentence coming into my life (it may also partly explain why I love Newt and fantastic beasts so much). I never before really understood people who say things like “oh that book changed me so much”. I think I do now.
I’ll always be a worrier. And that’s okay. It’s the little things like this philosophy that help me get through life without exhausting myself. It makes this life a whole lot nicer for me!